I often hear the words “that’s uncanny”, “it’s like holding up a mirror”, or “I feel heard and validated”. When someone reads their CliftonStrengths report. There is something powerful about recognising ourselves in those personalised paragraphs, particularly when they describe something we have always known about ourselves but have struggled to explain to others. Identifying ourselves in our report builds trust in the tool and gives us a starting point for a coaching conversation. But that mirror gives us one perspective. We also need to understand how others experience us. We know what we intended when we made a decision, started a conversation or encouraged people into action, but do we know how it landed?
It is what we do with that understanding that brings the opportunity for change. When we return to work, how does what we have recognised influence the way we lead, make decisions and work with others?
Recognising the Pattern
I like Pepsi Max, Cherry flavour to be precise, and I notice there is a pattern throughout my days. When thirsty, rather than turning to the tap, my mind turns to the 330ml can. It is a habit I have subconsciously created, and recognising the pattern has not automatically changed it. My desired outcome was to live a healthier lifestyle, but having that outcome in mind still leaves me with a choice the next time I feel thirsty. I know what I tend to do; I need to decide what I am going to do with that knowledge.
The same applies when we explore our strengths. We might recognise our desire to get things moving, our willingness to take responsibility or our need to think something through before making a decision. Leadership adds another consideration, because those responses affect the people around us. Taking responsibility might feel helpful to us, while someone else experiences having a task taken out of their hands. Moving quickly might feel energising, while a colleague is still trying to understand what has been agreed. We need to explore those experiences rather than assume that our intention tells the whole story.
As Jessica Dawson, a Learning and Development Consultant at Gallup, explains, “it’s not enough to just know your strengths. You must also take responsibility for actually using them.” For me, that responsibility includes paying attention to our impact. Our report gives us language to explore our familiar patterns, and a conversation with someone we work with can help us understand their effect. Together, those perspectives give us more to work with when deciding what we want to do differently.
Bringing People With You
I met with a CEO who was fairly new in their post and had Activator in their strengths profile. In their words, it was “less talking, more action”. They recognised their desire to get going, with a sense that “we’ll learn on the way” and were comfortable making a start without having every detail worked out. As we explored this further, they also recognised that they could become frustrated with others they perceived to be lagging behind. They were ready to move and could see the value of building momentum, but others did not always seem ready to come with them.
Further reflection enabled them to consider their pace from a different perspective. Was their speed leaving people behind on the road? What were they doing to make sure their team felt safe, strapped in and ready to come with them? These questions brought us to something practical: did everyone understand where they were going and why? Had colleagues had an opportunity to ask questions and contribute before the journey began, or had the CEO assumed that others shared their readiness to get going?
The leader had thought their role was to gather momentum and rally the troops. That was how they made things happen. The knock-on effect they described, however, was that colleagues could feel unheard, disillusioned and sometimes lost. Relationships could be fragmented, and the leader’s workload increased as they had to stop the bus along the way to explain the vision and help colleagues fasten their seatbelts. This was not the leader’s intention, but it was the reality they were recognising. The conversation gave them space to examine the gap between the two.
We explored how they could apply more forethought and involve others earlier. Colleagues with Deliberative and Intellection themes could be invited to share their thinking about possible obstacles before the journey began. What could they see that needed consideration? What questions would help everyone feel better prepared? The important part was listening to those colleagues and understanding their individual contributions, rather than assuming we knew what they would say because of the themes in their profiles.
The CEO now had a conscious choice about how to use their desire for action. They could still bring energy and get things moving while giving others an opportunity to shape the direction. It is a useful reflection for leaders who recognise this in themselves: when someone moves at a different pace, do we become frustrated, or do we take time to understand what their perspective might add? Sharing information before a meeting, allowing thinking time or asking questions before expecting commitment can make room for that contribution. Leaders also need to consider whether workload and expectations allow it to happen.
What Can Others Help Us See?
Think about a recent situation where you recognise one of your familiar patterns. How did you approach it, and what were you hoping to achieve? Then consider who could help you understand how it was experienced. Our own intentions are usually much clearer to us than our impact, and there is a limit to what we can discover by reflecting alone.
A useful place to start is with a specific conversation. After a meeting, you might ask a colleague, “Did you have enough opportunity to contribute?” or “What did I do that helped you understand the decision, and what made it harder?” Those questions give someone something concrete to respond to. They also give us more useful information than asking generally whether we are a good leader. We need to be willing to listen to the answer, particularly when it differs from what we expected. Explaining what we meant may feel natural, but first we need to understand what the other person is telling us.
As leaders, we also need to consider how comfortable people feel giving us that feedback. An invitation to be honest is a beginning; how we respond helps people decide whether they can be honest with us again. If we ask for someone’s perspective and then defend every choice we made, we may learn very little. Giving them space to explain, asking questions to understand and returning to the conversation after trying something different can make feedback part of how we work together.
Putting That Understanding Into Practice
How do you lead authentically while making deliberate choices about your strengths? For the CEO, this meant bringing people into the thinking before pressing ahead. For someone else, it might mean checking responsibilities before taking on another task or making space for a conversation they would usually avoid. A familiar approach can become our default, even when the situation needs something different. Choose one situation in your working week where you want to use a strength more deliberately, decide what you will try, and ask someone involved what they noticed. Their feedback can help you decide what to continue or adjust.
My challenge is to hold up the mirror, browse those personalised paragraphs and notice where you recognise yourself. Then take that understanding into a conversation with someone who experiences you at work. What do they recognise? When does your approach help them, and when might it get in the way? Self-awareness gives us somewhere to begin, but it is not enough on its own. We need to hear others’ perspectives and make choices about what we do next.
At Miova, these are the conversations we explore through strengths coaching: helping people understand themselves, consider their impact and put that learning into practice. You know what you intended. Make time to find out how your team experienced it.
Source: Gallup, Creating a Strengths-Based Culture: Naming, Claiming, Aiming.
